We've come to know our caseworker at AAI fairly well since June. I am so appreciative of her and the way she has handled our family's needs and concerns over the last few months. I'd say prior to June, we had been a pretty low maintenance adoptive family. However, since our June referral and our loss in July we have been a bit more needy. Sally has just been so patient with us, answering questions, sending updates, providing encouragement. And we just appreciate her and our agency so much for helping us through the ups and downs of this process. God really offered us a huge blessing when she took our case.
And, for the part that everyone is waiting for:
On October 17th Adam received a much anticipated (and desperately needed) phone call. Sally called to rejoice with us in some good news and provide us with information on a sweet little boy who needs a family. I am so thankful that call came when it did because even though I know patience is a virtue, I had begun to despair a little bit.
I've had mixed emotions since then. I'm very excited and feel so blessed to be able to pray for and prepare for my new son. I feel proud to show his picture. I enjoy talking about him, I have been planning his room and sorting clothes again. But, I've also realized that in celebrating this new buddy, I am forced to let go a little bit more of Caleb and it's been hard. I knew it would be. It was hard to know how I would feel or how I'm supposed to feel. I have definitely found myself being more reserved this time, hesitant to plan and get excited. Opening up myself to love this little guy without fear has been harder because we have dealt with the reality that something "could" happen. We aren't naive to the risks involved, and sometimes knowledge is hard.
I've actually had to remind myself that I'm not bringing two little boys home. I want to plan for both of them to come home. That is part of why it has taken me a bit to post our referral news. I've been working on letting go of fear and letting myself fall in love with a picture of little boy with enormous brown eyes wearing a pink sweater. I think I'm there.
I've been extremely focused lately on the things I need to work on. Things I want to do better and things I see as deficiencies in the way I parent, work, etc. But tonight as we were putting the girls to bed, L (3.5yrs) said the sweetest little prayer for her new brother. I don't know if she always knows what she prays for, we are working on that, but she definitely has her own unique way of talking to God. She said in the sweetest voice "Dear God, please help Bedane to be safe and come home soon and help him to have every kind of goodness in his heart" That spoke so much to my own heart. I may not be doing everything right. But somehow, despite my shortcomings, these girls know how to love. They know how to suffer loss and overcome. They seek the good of others and see the good in others. They are thoughtful and kind. They have the simplest idea of what a family is about and have no fears about changing and adding to our little Higgie household. They have faith that God answers prayers. They are the best part of me. Its no wonder Jesus said that if we wanted to be in His kingdom we'd have to become like little children.
Little guy, I hope you know that you are cherished. I hope you are being cared for and can feel our love an ocean away. We are coming as quickly as we can. Be safe, come home soon, and may your days and heart be filled with every kind of goodness.
Things are about to get a little bit cozier around here! and there are three little girls who can't wait to snuggle up with their new baby brother!
And, for the part that everyone is waiting for:
On October 17th Adam received a much anticipated (and desperately needed) phone call. Sally called to rejoice with us in some good news and provide us with information on a sweet little boy who needs a family. I am so thankful that call came when it did because even though I know patience is a virtue, I had begun to despair a little bit.
I've had mixed emotions since then. I'm very excited and feel so blessed to be able to pray for and prepare for my new son. I feel proud to show his picture. I enjoy talking about him, I have been planning his room and sorting clothes again. But, I've also realized that in celebrating this new buddy, I am forced to let go a little bit more of Caleb and it's been hard. I knew it would be. It was hard to know how I would feel or how I'm supposed to feel. I have definitely found myself being more reserved this time, hesitant to plan and get excited. Opening up myself to love this little guy without fear has been harder because we have dealt with the reality that something "could" happen. We aren't naive to the risks involved, and sometimes knowledge is hard.
I've actually had to remind myself that I'm not bringing two little boys home. I want to plan for both of them to come home. That is part of why it has taken me a bit to post our referral news. I've been working on letting go of fear and letting myself fall in love with a picture of little boy with enormous brown eyes wearing a pink sweater. I think I'm there.
I've been extremely focused lately on the things I need to work on. Things I want to do better and things I see as deficiencies in the way I parent, work, etc. But tonight as we were putting the girls to bed, L (3.5yrs) said the sweetest little prayer for her new brother. I don't know if she always knows what she prays for, we are working on that, but she definitely has her own unique way of talking to God. She said in the sweetest voice "Dear God, please help Bedane to be safe and come home soon and help him to have every kind of goodness in his heart" That spoke so much to my own heart. I may not be doing everything right. But somehow, despite my shortcomings, these girls know how to love. They know how to suffer loss and overcome. They seek the good of others and see the good in others. They are thoughtful and kind. They have the simplest idea of what a family is about and have no fears about changing and adding to our little Higgie household. They have faith that God answers prayers. They are the best part of me. Its no wonder Jesus said that if we wanted to be in His kingdom we'd have to become like little children.
Little guy, I hope you know that you are cherished. I hope you are being cared for and can feel our love an ocean away. We are coming as quickly as we can. Be safe, come home soon, and may your days and heart be filled with every kind of goodness.
Things are about to get a little bit cozier around here! and there are three little girls who can't wait to snuggle up with their new baby brother!
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